There was this cowboy and he had been riding his horse across the great plains on his way to California nonstop. Both him and his horse had gone days without sleep. As he rode in to one of the few towns on his trip he decided to stop in at the saloon and get a shot of wiskey to satisfy his thirst. As he got off his horse he realized that since his horse had not slept in a few days it might fall asleep now that they had finally stoped and it might take a few hours to wake his horse up.

He grab this young indian who just happen to be walking by told him of his predicament, he then asked the indian if he could run back and forth in front of his horse to keep it wake while he was tending his thirst in the bar. The indian agreed.

After a few drinks the cowboy forgot about the trip as he made friends and drank down round after round in the bar. AS the hours past a cowboy entered the front door of the sallon and asked who owned the brown and white horse out front. The cowboy who owned the horse said "I do so what about it?" Well replied the cowboy you left your INGIN' RUNNING......

This old timer is setting on the porch of a saloon. A cowboy comes riding up and hitches his horse to the post, walks behind the horse and kisses its ass. The old timer looks in amazement and says, "Hey Cowboy why the hell did ya' kiss your horse's ass?" Cowboy: "Well, I have chapped lips"

Old Timer: "So are ya' sayin' that will cure chap lips?"

Cowboy: "Nope ... but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

* "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

* "So -- what are you wearing?"

* "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"

* "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilithium crystals, Cap'n."

* "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

* "We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

* "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

* "Hold on a second... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

* "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

* "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."

Dear Husband,

I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy is seven now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project, all the figures were good, and the back of your head is very realistic. You should be very proud of him.

Little Jennifer turned three in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jenny, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I am doing well. I went blonde about a year ago, and discovered that it really is more fun! George, I mean, Mr. Wilson the department head, has uh, taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.

I discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you didn't mind being vacuumed but that feather dusting made you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring; I'm sure you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut holes in the drop sheet so you wouldn't be disturbed.

Well, my dear, I must be going. Uncle George, uh, Mr. Wilson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of things while we are away, she'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup and bring your meals to your desk, just the way you like it. I hope you and the computer will have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jenny and I will think of you often. Try to remember us while your disks are booting. Love, Your Wife

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

* I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.

* I will stop sending email to my roommate.

* I resolve to work with neglected children...my own.

* I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.

* When I subscribe to a news group or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.

* I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear...I'm coming. Never mind.

* No more downloads from alt.binaries.

* I resolve to back up my new 2 GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...monthly, perhaps...

* I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net.

* I won't try to get onto the Netscape web site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.

* When I hear, "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support."

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. Even the smallest mistakes are committed to memory.

3. The native language used to communicate with others of their kind is incomprehensible to anyone else.

4. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know what's wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.