At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.

As she comes back the male doc says "I bet you are a surgeon." She confirms and asks how he knew. "Easy, you’re always washing your hands." "That’s very clever" she says, "I bet you’re an anesthesiologist". "Wow, how did you guess?"

"I didn’t feel a thing."

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.

"No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Will you get me piece of cake?" The husband says, "Sure." She gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you don't forget it?" He says, "No, I can certainly remember that!"

Then the woman says, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down because I know you'll forget it." The man replies, "I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries."

She adds, "I'd also like whipped cream on top. Now I'm certain you're gonna forget that, so you'd better write it down ok." Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cakewith strawberries! And whipped cream!" He then grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"

An elderly woman, distressed over the recent death of her husband, decided to endher life early to be with her husband in the afterlife.

She went to her doctor's the next day and asked, "Doctor, where is my heart?". He replied, "On a woman's body, it is just below the left breast." With that said she went home, took her husband's loaded handgun, and shot herself. A neighbor, overhearing the gunfire, immediately called 911. The ambulance arrived, and she was admitted to the hospital with a gun-shot wound just below her left knee.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

A girl says to her doctor, "You have to help me. I hurt all over."

She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, "Ow! That hurts."

She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, "Ouch! That hurts, too."

She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, "Ow! Even that hurts."

The doctor says, "Are you a natural blonde?"

She replied, "Yes."

The doctor says, "You have a sprained finger."

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.

Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed.

The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."

One day an old lady went to the doctor because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, "You have the crabs." She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty year old virgin.

She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, "You probably have the crabs". No" she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin."

Frustrated, she went to a third doctor.She said, "Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can not be the crabs."The doctor said, Jump on the table and let's have a look." After examining, the doctor proclaimed, "Ma'am, your right, you do not have the crabs. This cherry is sooooo old, you have fruit flies."

Doctor: I have some bad news and some worse news.

Patient: Ouch... I suppose you might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called back with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 HOURS! That's horrible! Oh My God! WHAT could be WORSE than that?

Doctor: Well, I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. Please listen to our menu carefully, as our options may have changed.

• If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
• If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4,5 and 6.
• If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want, so please stay on the line so we can trace the call.
• If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
• If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
• If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.
• If you are phobic, don't press anything.
• If you are anal-retentive, please hold.

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.

His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.

Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."

"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home.

"Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you," she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?

He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there.

A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his "therapy".

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, "Yes?"

"Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?" said the officer.

"Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle," he replied confidently.

"Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago."

A woman in her eighties is distraught after the death of her warm, caring, faithful husband of sixty years. She can't live without him and decides that the best way to be with him is to stab herself in her pitifully broken heart. Still, she doesn't want to linger so she calls a doctor to find out exactly where the heart is.

He tells her to put her first two fingers together, hold them horizontally and place the tip of the first finger just below her left nipple. The heart, he says, is immediately below the first knuckle on her second finger.

Later that night the doctor is called to the emergency room to put fourteen stitches on the elderly woman's left knee.

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method used to check for a hernia.

"Aha!" mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor again, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day".

5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your heart pills didn't come in different colors with little "M"'s on them.

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Dave... Dave... Dave, you sick bastard. You're a vet."

A man rushed into the veterinarian's office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog's still, limp body and sadly informed the man that his dog was dead.

Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog.

The doctor went into another room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.

The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a "meow", walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.

The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, "I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do."

Resigned, the man signed and said, "Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?"

"Three-hundred fifty dollars," the doctor replied.

"Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!" the man stammered.

"Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan."

One day, John's tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor's office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he'd have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

"So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?" the doctor said.

"The nurse must have told you," said John, wondering how the Doctor knew.

"No. It was in your urinalysis." and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy based on the urine contents. John didn't believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.

Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine when he had an idea. John decided to have a little fun with the doctor and pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had yet another brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and even beat off and put a few drops of semen in the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

The doctor looked at him with an agitated look in his face and said, "I've got some bad news. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife's got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don't stop beating off that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!"

The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports employment among Registered Nurses (RNs) will grow faster than the average for all occupations. Demand for quality nurses continues to rise due to the increase in the median age of the US population. Many people in today's workforce don't realize this great opportunity. Here are some of the best reasons for becoming a nurse:

1. Pays better than McDonald's (though the hours aren't as good.)
2. Fashionable shoes and sexy uniforms.
3. Needles: 'tis better to give than to receive.
4. Confidence in reassuring patients that all bleeding stops ... eventually.
5. Opportunity to expose yourself to rare, exotic, and exciting new diseases.
6. Interesting aromas.
7. Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
8. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly clear handwriting.
9. Celebration of holidays with all your friends ... at work.
10. Comfort in the knowledge that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

Samantha, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you... if its still okay..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that question all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, no... that's not it at all," Samantha confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they arrived home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise."

"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew."

A man with a bad stomach ache goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep into the rectum.

The man agrees and the doctor tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

Suddenly the man screams in disgust.

"What's the matter hun?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders."

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but alw ays promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn't help. The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he concluded, "Yes, I am happy to say that I can help you."

"On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.

"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut." The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help."

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us."

"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios... "

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?"

The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?

He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.

Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

I've never had any major surgery so I consider myself pretty lucky, however not everyone can say that. I get scared just thinking about going under the knife, and if I ever did - these are 10 things that I surely don't want to hear my doctor say...

• Has anyone seen my watch?
• Come back with that! Bad Dog!
• Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
• Hand me that... uh... thingy over there.
• What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
• Damn, there go the lights again...
• Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
• What do you mean, he's not insured?
• Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"

And the number one thing I don't want to her my doctor say during surgery...

Lucky 13, that's just how many shocking comments this physician claimed his patients actually made while he was performing their colonoscopies. Enjoy! (Not referring to a colonoscopy that is...)

1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there." (our favorite)

WE've got a whole slew of great Doctor Jokes that have submitted by our loyal F&J readers, though many of them just aren't quite long enough to publish by themselves. We've taken a few and compiled them here, just for you : )

• "Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!" (This one is our favorite)
• Patient: "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus." Doctor: "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."
• The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.
• A Short History of Medicine: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
  • 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
  • 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
  • 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
  • 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
  • 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
  • 2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
• The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor." "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company." (See how innocent that was?)

This is a starter kit for the new and up incoming Physiotherapist. This is to be used and operated by trained professionals ONLY. There is a patent pending so please don't try and steal my idea. This is NOT to be used for outstanding or delinquent bills!

1. First start with restaints first because when the patient sees the tape he or she might not think this is an accredited treatment. (rope is supplied)
2. Second then apply some Quiet Time tape. If the Quiet Time tape doesn't acquire the desired quietness then a mild sedative can be used( a good swift hit to the side of head). Not so hard as to loosen teeth but eyes should roll back in head.
3. Third the Softner (a sock with $4.00 in nickels in it with a knot securing the nickels in) should be used on affected area. Start off with a mild swing to affected area and the patient should feel the soft tissue separate and soften. Mild moaning is expected. For the really deep tissue work you will need to give a really good swing. 2-3 quick ones. Some patients scream but this is why the Quiet Time tape is used. If it is NOT used some patients start to beg for this very specialized treatment to stop and cry out loud, scaring the other patients. The objective is NOT to scare patient or other patients who are waiting. Patient should be told that for every patient that leaves becasue of his or her whining and crying a $35 Out Burst charge will be added to thier bill. This is very effective.
4. Fourth the Electruder (a electrical cord with the 2 bare wires at end) should be used to stimulate blood flow to the affected area and help break down scar tissue. This is important because the seems to be alot of scar tissue after 3-4 treatments. The Electruder should be used with great care. Unlike the Tens machine which applies a mild electrical pulsating current that is controled by a dial on the machine the Electruder is solely controlled by the Physiotherapist. The Electruder applies a direct 110volt current to the affected area. It is IMPORTANT that the Electruder be used after the Softner because the patient should have acquired bit of sweat on the body and this helps conduct the 110volt needed to stimulate blood flow and break down that nasty scar tissue.(a small amount of water can be applied). VERY important again that the restraints MUST stay on because patients will try and grab you causing the 110volt current to go through you also. Not so good. The Electruder should always be used last because some patient pass out from the Softner's treatment and this also helps bring them around.
5. Patients show rapid improvement in mobility and range of motion. Not so much for pain, that should last awhile. After a few treatments the Quiet Time tape may be removed but NOT the restraints. This will increase the bill as most patients cry out scaring someone away. Even if the don't scare anyone away still add the $35 Out Burst charge to the bill because they won't know, they are in restraints and can't see the waiting room.
6. Playing relaxing music seems to help the process. Some use whales talking. But the sound track to the Soprano's seems to work the best. This seems to let the patient know that YOU are the professional and the you do this for a living and his or her recovery should be quick and expensive.
7. Putting patients on an incentive plan should help you and them. For every 2 patients that they bring in you will deduct $10 from the bill. However the Out Burst charge of $35 that you keep adding on will far out way the deduction.
8. SOME side effects may occur like sudden payment, showing up 10-15 min early, curling up in the fetal potition at the sound of your voice, crying constantly and fliching. Some of these side effects can be cured with an unscheduled appointment. But not all side effects are bad.
9. Some light bruising in the shape of small circles is to be expected because of the use of nickels but heavy bruising may reqire a trip to Mexico(for the Physiotherapist). That is God's little blind spot and this is a well used therapeutic treatment and is widely accepted as an accreted treatment. It has been used for 1000's of years in basemnets and back alleys and NOW available in Canada and USA.

A four year old little boy was at the doctor's office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room. Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "Im having a baby." With big eyes, he replied, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She said, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks foward to what he has to say next...

And, much to her suprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks.. "Then why did you eat him?"

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact, since I've been standing here I must have farted at least 20 times."

"No kidding..." says the doctor with a bit of an upturned nose. The doc says "I've got just the stuff." and gives her some pills. "Here take these for 10 days, then return for a followup appointment."

So she takes the pills and returns 10 later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much! They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"

The doctor nodded, "Great, now that we've your sinuses cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"